I cannot think of a single day, since I moved to Chicago, when I have not spent money at Walgreens. If I were to add up exactly how much I've spent there, I would probably cry. And if I were to amass everything I've purchased, I'd probably cry harder because I'd be staring at a huge pile of Red Bull cans, gum wrappers and cheap makeup. Sometimes I go twice a day and the ladies at the registers shake their heads with pity. One time Steve Carrell was in front of me in line. Last night I bought a box fan. "Good!" you think, "A logical and somewhat redemptive purchase!"

But wait... It is made of candy.

Just kidding.